Men ‘preheated’ for sex but women warm up slowly

Know why most of men just rush for sex and ignore the vital art of whole-body lovemaking? Read on!

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Learning the reasons for this difference can help men become better lovers,” said a report published by the American Association of Retired Persons (AARP) – a US-based nonprofit advocacy group that helps people 50 and older improve quality of their lives.

Recent research shows that women experience libido as an urge far less compelling than that.

“A University of British Columbia survey interviewed hundreds of women who reported feeling ‘erotically neutral’ at the start of sex. Only when they started making love – and enjoyed it – did they warm up and feel actual desire,” the report added.

According to sex therapists, men become intimate to gain sex whereas women have sex to gain intimacy.

Men should try sex based on gentle, whole-body massage that eventually includes the genitals but does not fixate on them.

“The genitals are important but so is every other part of women’s bodies. Men who rush into genital sex are clueless about women,” the report quoted New York sex educator Betty Dodson as saying.

TOP 5 THINGS MEN LOSE WHEN THEY COMMIT

First things first, we are not advocating lack of commitment in men here, we are simply having a man to man talk. So, let me be very clear. While long lasting relationships is a great idea, there are certain things a man definitely will lose when he commits to a woman. You’ll get your share of happiness- agreed, but there will be a lot of risks as well after you take the leap. Get it all figured out before as we tell you 5 things that men are most likely to lose after they are committed to their partner.cp.jpg

1) Your Control

This one is probably the reason why most men are not willing to commit in the first place. Perhaps you can blame the society or your family who instill fear about how a woman will come around to ‘control you.’ That said it’s not entirely untrue. From your weekend plans to vacation plans to the clothes you wear or the hairstyle you sport, a lot about how you look and where you go will now depend on what she decides.

2) Female Friends

There is no denying the fact that changes do occur in your friendships, especially female friendships when you get a girlfriend. You won’t be able to spend as much time with them, definitely not alone, as she’ll always be accompanying you. Now there may be an isolated case or two where you can keep your friendship with other women as is, but those are few and far between.

3) Your Personal Space

Generally commitment comes along with spending maximum time together, sometimes it means living together entirely as well, which of course can drastically reduce your privacy. Soon you’ll find your house in order, which you’re not used to, feminine products in the bathroom, utensils in the kitchen et al. Moreover, be ready to be bossed around – there will be a list of things that you wouldn’t’ be allowed to do. So, you might as well kiss your privacy goodbye.

4) Your Lack Of Accountability

Before commitment your actions always went unnoticed. You could do anything not having to think about what the other person feels. After commitment, you’ll have a new set of feelings which you’d have to consider always before you do anything. So, that adrenaline filled camping trips with your guys or the X-box time with your buddies during the weekends will now be like a distant dream.

5) Your Casual Fun

Casual flirting is the first thing that has to be given up when you come in a serious relationship. When it comes to commitment there are boundaries for interaction with other women. Flirting has to be measured and contained before it turns to anything scandalous; unless you want to deal with crying and broken teeth.

Does She Deserve a Spanking?

Yes! In fact, she’s far kinkier than you think. Read on—and make her scream

We’re willing to wager that all the guys who didn’t bother to read Fifty Shades of Grey will have no problem standing in line for the film. Let’s face it: Compressing Anastasia and Christian’s freaky antics into a visual sexiest will hold male attention far longer than mere words on pages.

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But they haven’t even begun filming the whips and chains yet, so take this lull in the BDSM hype (that’s bondage, domination/discipline, sadism/submission, and masochism for you newbs) to find out if your woman truly is up for this brand of kink, and if so, how to ease yourselves into it.

Think she’ll run screaming? Not so fast. A University of Saskatchewan study found that women are quite similar to men when defining what’s normal or acceptable in bed. Plus, dabbling in kink can provide a host of bonding benefits. “BDSM challenges couples to communicate better and to be more creative,” says Richard Sprott, Ph.D, coauthor of Sexual Outsiders: Understanding BDSM Sexualities and Communities. “You imagine new ways of finding pleasure with a partner.” In fact, research suggests that merely acquainting yourselves with the core concepts of kink can heighten your sexual satisfaction. So throw on some leather and enjoy the ride.

TEST THE WATERS

You can’t just show up in the bedroom with a ball gag and chains, or you might find out the hard way that she’s a member of the “Fifty Shades of No Way!” club. Start by recalling the phenomenon created by the books. This can give you a sense of whether the idea of submission and dominance—which is the foundation of most BDSM experiences—leaves her repulsed, indifferent, or intrigued. Some experts say she will probably be intrigued because humans are hardwired to have a biological “opinion” on the matter. “A person’s preference for domination or submission is as biologically fundamental to his or her sexual identity as sexual orientation,” says Ogi Ogas, Ph.D., a cognitive neuroscientist whose book A Billion Wicked Thoughts used Internet behavioral patterns to study human desire. (See how to master your dirty talk here.)

So what do you do with that intel? Unpack it a bit. “A good way to start a conversation with a partner is with a ‘yes, no, maybe’ list,” says psychologist Meg Barker, Ph.D., a researcher at the Open University in the U.K. Lists are available on BDSM websites, or you can take a look—together—at the list on this page. Barker cites a University of New Brunswick study revealing that after 15 years together, couples knew only about 62 percent of what their partner liked in bed, and 26 percent of what their partner disliked. Whether you end up getting kinky or not, you should both find this exercise enlightening and empowering.

GIVE HER A TICKLE

If you’ve ever massaged, bitten, or scratched each other, you’ve already dipped your toe into the most basic type of kink—sensation play. “This generates a biochemical chain reaction, which creates a state similar to the glow of orgasm,” Sprott says. Being the target of someone else’s actions allows the recipient to relinquish control and enjoy the sensations.

Start with a blindfold or sleep mask, which can help you each embrace the submissive role; after all, you can’t really take control if you can’t see. It’ll help both of you focus on the sensations, stay in character, and avoid the nervous giggles, say sex writers Em & Lo, authors of 150 Shades of Play: a Beginner’s Guide to Kink and founders of EmandLo.com. After you plunge her into darkness, graze your fingers or a feather over her inner thighs, the nape of her neck, and the inner part of her forearms, Sprott says. Don’t touch her at all for 15 or 20 seconds at a time in between; this makes her anticipate where the next sensation will take place. If you both decide to inch a little closer to the pleasure/pain threshold, try nibbling her earlobes while pinching her nipples and labia.

TEST HER NERVES: Consider a Wartenberg wheel ($12, amazon.com), a popular BDSM gadget originally designed to test nerve sensitivity. (It looks like a tiny pizza cutter—with spikes.) A little pain from this guy can equal a lot of pleasure.

CRANK THE SPANK

Bare buttocks simply scream to be spanked, but if either of you swings too hard your first time at bat, the move may be summarily ejected from your kink repertoire. That’d be a pity, because spanking can hurt so good. “When you’re spanked, flogged, or caned, it feels awesome and for some may actually be a pain reliever,” says sex writer Reverend Jen Miller, the author ofBDSM 101. “It’s certainly easier to get than Percocet.”

She may balk at first, so ease into it. Janet Hardy, coauthor of The Ethical Slut, recommends starting gently with your open hand, which offers a wide range of sensations, has a built-in feedback mechanism, and feels more intimate than implements. “For most recipients, the lower inner quadrant of the buttocks is the sweet spot—it shares a nerve group with the genitals,” she says. Don’t assume you can just spank her during intercourse and that’s enough to turn her on. You’ll add to the spanking experience if you actually have her over your knee. “Start very slowly with light smacks that just barely sting, and build gradually,” Hardy says. If she’s enjoying the experience, her breathing should sound smooth and sexy and her butt should be pushing up toward the spanker’s hand instead of flinching.

RESTRAIN YOURSELVES

Next, tie the knot, so to speak. Some people want to be tied up so they can feel controlled. Some enjoy being teased and denied. The appeal for the dominant player, of course, is being in control. Just don’t try gleaning any tips about tie-ups from Fifty Shades—it’s full of dubious practices that make BDSM pros wince. For instance, using cable ties as wrist restraints is a really bad idea, say Em & Lo. Some other bad ideas: leaving your partner alone while bound, tying her up in a way that restricts circulation, or putting something over her nose and mouth and obstructing her breathing. Don’t do those things.

Instead, start out by loosely tying her wrists, and maybe her ankles, with something that won’t be abrasive to her skin, such as silk scarves or ties, and watch that they don’t become too tight. “Keep that first session short, and make sure you take the time to get some feedback about how you both felt about it,” says sex educator Jazz Goldman. There are fleece-lined wrist cuffs (that attach with buckles), bondage tape, over-the-door suspension cuffs, or under-the-bed restraints that can be employed when the mood strikes. All of these items can be purchased at no scarier a place than Amazon.

ADD CONTROL: Rope is a mainstay of bondage apparel, with true aficionados responding to both the look and feel of it. But instead of rooting around in the garage, invest in some Japanese silk rope ($14, amazon.com) that will do the job without irritating skin. Once you’ve explored tying or being tied up and liked it, you might want to try spreader bars—bondage equipment that enables you to both restrain and raunchily position your partner in a way that gives you unfettered access to, well, whatever you’d like.

PUT ON AN ACT

Role playing is a great kink-starter as well. But unless you were a drama major, pretending to be someone else is going to make you feel silly and require you to suspend your disbelief. That can be tough, but not as tough as you might think. “It’s much easier to lose your inhibitions when you’re pretending to be someone else,” says the Kinsey Institute’s Debby Herbenick, Ph.D., MH‘s relationships advisor. “The real benefit here is that role playing can be a gateway into sex play you might not otherwise try.”

Skip the elaborate script and period garb and make it easy on yourself. For instance, you could arrange to meet at a nightclub that neither of you has been to before, Herbenick suggests. Arrive in clothes you haven’t seen on each other, and after some fleeting eye contact, start chatting as if you were perfect strangers just starting to flirt with each other. From there you can take it in any direction you want. Perhaps one of you can play hard to get while the other portrays the wolfish seducer. You can be an entirely different person, exaggerate a specific facet of your actual personality, or just reconnect with the feeling of meeting your partner for the first time.

ACT UP: If after tinkering with different scenarios you find that you like role play, try one in which the dominant and submissive parts are explicit. “The classic is the master/slave scenario, in which one partner surrenders free will to the other,” Herbenick says. If you’re feeling a bit sheepish about where to begin, you can always let fate decide: The Fantasy Sex Deck ($25, amazon.com) has 50 cards that each feature a role-playing scenario. Pick a card and be someone else for an hour or two—or forever, for that matter. After all, maybe the real, kinkier you has been aching to get out! (And when you’re done being naughty, be nice by Buy Her Jewelry She’ll Love.)

Bring Spice Back In Your Sex Life

Sex can become dull and monotonous if you don’t keep the spark alive and the spontaneity flowing. Let me tell you the various things that women like and dislike in bed.

Use these 10 very useful tips and keep the passion flowing through your relationship.

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1. Go the extra mile

If you get into bed every night and she knows what is going to happen, how dull can that be! Change the routine because routine is boring. Go the extra mile and please her. Spend more time on her than usual. Go down on her, kiss her everywhere, and make it more about her than you. Surprise her and you will reap the benefits as well.



2. Be spontaneous

If you are in bed, or even prior to going to bed, don’t ask her for ‘permission’ to have sex. What a way to turn her off! Show her you want to have sex. Don’t force yourself on her, turn her on instead. Maybe that means kissing her on the back or the neck. Find out what gives you permission without actually asking it.



3. Get busy anywhere

Variety is the key to a successful sex life. Use the kitchen floor, the stairs, the shower, the couch and even the dining table! Making love in different places adds variety.



4. Try out new sex positions

Get Kamasutra savvy. Shun the missionary style, experiment with different sex positions like the doggy style, woman on top and many more, which will not only stir up your sex life but also help your woman orgasm better.



5. Share a fantasy

Not only can curiosity be sexy, it also has the power to shift your relationship, from being boring to exiting. Too many people have ‘psychic sex,’ they think they know what the other person wants, when often they may be hiding the same desires. Talk it out then act it out!



6. Get the romance back

Women love romance. You don’t have to cook a 3 course meal, or buy her sexy lingerie, romance can be as simple as telling your girl that she is beautiful, or bringing a bottle of wine home and taking time out for the both of you. Suggest a walk together, or a bath. Romance is so diverse. Surprise her. If you never take a walk together, suggest going for a walk and finish it with a glass of wine or coffee, whatever suits you both.



7. Experiment with your girl

Whatever you do don’t go through the motions when having sex. Don’t be afraid to try things out with her. Ask her what she likes, what positions she prefers, what fantasies she has, what she likes you doing to her. Talking about your sex life is a great way to make sure it doesn’t go downhill.



8. Tell her – You love it!

Make sure you let her know that you are enjoying having sex with her. Keep touching and kissing her, let her know that you are into her. Whisper in her ear how beautiful she is. If she isn’t used to this, it is sure to send shivers down her spine.



9. Moan & murmur

Make noises as well. If you aren’t comfortable making noises, start out softly. This will show her you are enjoying every moment; it will arouse her more and may also encourage her to make noises as well.



10. Ignore the clock

Stop viewing sex as a night time activity; you may be too tired to do it then anyway. Make a date, take time off your work and plan to meet at home in the afternoon, for a session of hot steamy sex. This will add some much needed spice in you love life. Making love at night time just becomes monotonous. Variety is the spice of a great sex life!

Effective Tips to Keep Your Girl Satisfied

If you have been wondering about how to keep your girl satisfied,

constantly worrying that lately she doesn’t seem to be as excited in your company in the way she used to be earlier, you need to shake yourself and start searching for answers. For starters, understand that keeping a girl satisfied is more about the cerebral thing, i.e. emotional satisfaction, apart from the usual ingredients like making intimacy more pleasurable. You need to ensure that you arouse, satisfy and still keep her hungry for more from an intellectual and sexual perspective. The following tips might help you understand how to approach this slightly complex niche:

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Be More Attentive

Yes, most women are blabber-mouths and your girlfriend too just cannot stop yapping. You have developed a sort of mental immunity to what she talks about, usually ignoring the details and subtle hints that might be camouflaged in her verbose chatter. Try to pay more attention and pick-up such signals. She might be hinting at things missing from your relationship. Further, when you listen attentively, chances are that you will discover more things about her, including her personality traits and interests. This gives you more reasons to talk about, make your conversations inclined more towards her interests, presenting you as a seriously caring boyfriend. Most women feel flattered when their men tend to remember the smaller things and take interest in seemingly trivial pursuits.

Be Random, Unpredictable

Women like men with a bit of mystique and a few surprises. You don’t need to turn into a stuntman to satiate her appetite for being surprised. Just do the normal things in a different way. For instance, you could suggest joining yoga or swimming classes
together or taking a trip on a sport’s bike. Offer to teach her driving if she seems afraid to get behind the wheel or show-up with a totally unexpected gift for her. Invite her to a unisex salon where the two of you could get streaks of the same shade.
The idea is to kill the monotony in the relationship to ensure that you are keeping your girl satisfied. Dump emailing and sending SMS to her. Instead, try the snail mail for expressing your love.

Be More Nurturing

They say women are born with a maternal instinct and naturally tend to care more than men. This is true but this doesn’t mean that she has got to nurture you while you sit back and enjoy being taken care of—rise up to the challenge and reversing the
role for a few days. This is not about pampering her more but nurturing where you need to take care of her smallest needs and be more compassionate. For instance, is she complains of headaches, give her a gentle shoulder or head massage. Tell your
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 that you will accompany her to her next appointment with the dentist. Seek couple packages at spas and wellness centers and tell her that you are doing it since you are constantly worried about her being overworked or stressed.

Giving-in To What She Yearns For

It could be that your girlfriend is satisfied but you are limiting her freedom to the extent that she feels a bit suffocated and thus, unhappy. You need to be more adjusting here. Give her more time to spend with her friends. If this means checking upon her daily schedule a bit less frequently and not asking her whereabouts all the time, just do it. Any relationship that borders on being too restrictive doesn’t have a very long lifespan.

Never Stop Experimenting in Bed

If you two have graduated to a deep level of intimacy, it could be that sex is getting too predictable to keep your woman satisfied. You need to spice-up your love life. The best approach towards this is having a teenager-like mentality to explore what else you guys can do. For instance, watch some porn together and mark-out sexual positions you could try. You need to understand that the body’s sensitivity and the degree of arousal level achieved can decrease over a period if the same positions and spots are repeated. Try to search and enact roleplay themes that interest both of you. Sometimes, couples who have a decent degree of bedroom time, tend to lose focus of how trivial things in life too could be erotic.
This includes getting naughty at the movie hall, catching a kiss in the parking lot or groping her seductively (and secretly) in the elevator. The idea is to keep adding a new dimension to your intimacy every time it seems that things are getting a bit uninteresting for either of you. If you have been the dominant partner so far, let her take over for a few weeks in the bedroom.

Wild Sex versus Mild Sex

Sex has long transcended its mere function to procreate.

It is now regarded as the steamy engagement of passion and physical desires. As more couples open up their sexual prowess to wider realms of experimentation, the issue of favouring one technique over the other is often questioned. With this article in hand, those questions will now be answered.

Wild Sex Redefined

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Wild sex is all about the passionate thrusts, audible pleasures and chemistry so sizzling, that it threatens to set the air on fire. Couples are increasingly relying on vigour and aggression, to shake up their lovemaking skills. The mere thrill of the act is what makes this approach so appealing. Kinky is the new mantra, and taboo topics like mutual masturbation, prolonged foreplay, BDSM and sex toys are fast making their way into the bedroom. Wild sex has been wrongly associated with one night stands, the fact remains that it has been used to achieve newer heights of pleasure by couples in committed relationships as well. Although spontaneous attempts are more popular in achieving sexual pleasure, at times, planning to be down and dirty has its magic too. Penetrate her from behind, starting with a slow pace and eventually building up the motion. If she permits, grab her hair. The depraved treatment involved in wild sex is enough to make sex electrifying.

Do you want to experiment with BDSM? Handcuff your woman to the bed and play around with light whipping, ass spanking and genital probing. Then when she’s begging for more, take her forcefully and let your bodies do the rest. Build a natural rhythm and stop thrusting only when you need to tease her. Wild sex need not be restricted to the bedroom alone. With one’s creative imagination and unbridled passion, sexual games can be played anywhere. Is your girl a thrill seeker? Then having sex in public places will give the most intense pleasure. The degree of ‘wildness’ is dependent on the couple’s mood and the intensity of desire. Often performed insensitively, wild sex can offend your partner. So it is essential to make sure your partner feels comfortable about being adventurous.

Defining Mild Sex

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Mild sex is the comparatively intimate and gentler approach. This plays less on physical aggression and more on the emotional connect. Passionate kissing, slow but deep thrusts and loving eye contact, set the mood for this kind of lovemaking. This kind of sex induces feelings of intimacy and a sense of belonging. Set a romantic ambience. Light some scented candles. Kiss and let passions run high. Mild sex is a popular approach among women in committed relationships. Gentle caresses, oral sex, intense foreplay and long sexual intercourses are the main features. Bite her neck gently while thrusting slow and deep. Pin her arms down and keep them above her head. She will savour this feeling of surrender and will keep you coming for more.

At the end of the day, the intensity of one’s desire will be able to choose the right approach on its own. All you have to do is make her feel good; your bodies will take care of the rest. Have fun!

Get Her To Notice You

Let’s assume a particular scenario. You are single and have laid your eyes on a girl. The easiest thing would be to go ahead and ask her out. Pretty straightforward ain’t it?

She would either accept or reject your ‘proposal’ and the two of you would go your different ways. Now why did I emphasise on the negative? Dude that’s because that’s what you have in your mind. What if she refuses? Most guys I have spoken to are scared to ask out girls and wet their pants at the thought of rejection. That’s why we have things called pick up techniques so that you can minimise the chances of rejection.

Now how do you minimise the risk quotient before you ask the all important question? Just read through these tips and you will get your answer.

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Recognize your strengths

All of us are endowed with a special skill whether its humor, conversational ability, or athletic prowess. What are you good at? Can you sing or are you a good dancer or a good cook? Think about your number one strength and incorporate it into your dating regime.

Hang out with her friends

Now this is important. If you are able to worm your way into the social circle of this girl, then chances of engaging her in a healthy conversation definitely improve. In fact, this particular tip has worked wonders with most Indian men. Hanging out in groups will make her notice you more and will give you an opportunity to showcase those special skills of yours.

Do not chase her

Whether you manage to enter her friend circle or not, do not chase her (emotionally, I mean). Do not try sticking to her like a limpet and force your presence on her. DON’T!! You don’t want to reduce yourself to being a member of the pack of wannabe boyfriends who are trying to go after her. Now imagine if a woman notices that you happen to be the only one who’s not participating in the chase. What do you think will happen to her attraction level? You’ll only become a hotter commodity.

Be different

Be boring and your girl would start snoring. Being same as every other guy means being boring, and women aren’t attracted to boring guys. So try to be different. No, don’t rush to the salon and get yourself a Mohawk but do something that will make you stand out from the crowd. However, retain your individuality and don’t try too hard to get her to notice you. Always be conscious of your worth.

Ask interesting and meaningful questions

Most men often are complete idiots when it comes to asking questions that are both relevant and interesting. Making your questions interesting will make her enthusiastic about the answer.

Make her laugh

Never underestimate the power of laughterWomen just love men who can make them laugh. Get a girl to laugh, and half your job is done. But preserve those below the belt jokes for your guy friends. Be a little subtle in your humour and you’ll have her sniggering at your jokes.

Learn to take risks

Unless you harden your heart, and learn to take a few chances you will never be able to get romantic with your babe. Realise that you must be the one to make the first move, and ask her out. And it should be fast, because if you linger you will soon become one of her pals which you obviously don’t want to.