Better sex starts here
Women are complex creatures, as every man knows. Understanding how their brains are wired differently from yours will make all the difference in figuring them out and turning them on.
One of the most important things to understand about women is that the female’s brain does not have a 24/7 appetite for sex like yours does. The area of the hypothalamus responsible for sexual pursuit is 2.5 times larger in your head than it is in hers, explains neuropsychiatrist Dr Louann Brizendine, author of the books The Male Brain and The Female Brain. “Evolution biologically hard-wired a man to be ready for sex at every opportunity,” she says. “Mother nature made it so a man is consumed with sexual fantasies about female body parts.”
Meanwhile, she’s sizing you up in a far different way — by talking, getting to know you, assessing if she feels comfortable with you, or determining that you’re a creep — for a different purpose. Because pregnancy and nursing are such dangerous, painful, and time-consuming undertakings, women have evolved to be far more thoughtful about who they’ll agree to talk to at a bar and ultimately have sex with.
1. Be more dominant in bed
Women desire sexual assertiveness in men because it’s masculine and sexy. And surveys show that they want more of it. But men tend to subconsciously check their natural impulses and inhibit their dominance out of concern for her feelings, according to a study in thePersonality and Social Psychology Bulletin.
Surveys show that women want more assertiveness and creativity from men in bed. The Big Book of Sex survey, for example, found that 67% of women would enjoy a spanking. And 56% prefer you to be on top most of the time. Your sexual assertiveness may even give her the courage to loosen her own inhibitions. More than a third of the women in one MH online survey said that during sex they’re thinking of dirty things they’re embarrassed to talk about. One in four is imagining a position she’s afraid to ask you to try (click here to find a new position to blow her mind). So tell her how sexy she looks and how turned on you are by her scent. Suggest trying a sex toy, new position, or role-playing. The more you open up and show your excitement for her—and the more you take the lead—the more comfortable she’ll be.
2. Unlock her treasure chest
Unlike men, women feel sexual as a result of intimacy that begins outside of the bedroom. This is the greatest lesson you can learn about how to satisfy a woman emotionally, physically, and sexually. “To a man, foreplay is just the three minutes before insertion,” says Brizendine. “But for a woman foreplay is everything that happens 24 hours before sex.”
Praise is the one thing that no woman can resist. Sex educator and psychotherapist Laura Berman says that every woman has a treasure chest, a secret part of her that she cherishes, that men need to find in order to target their praise most effectively.
“Typically, it’s a non-body trait like her intellectual curiosity, her sense of humour, her outlandishness,” Berman says. “But it could be the colour of her eyes or even her laugh. It’s when a man discovers this, when he comes to appreciate and love that part of her, that he really gets the girl both emotionally and sexually. That’s when she feels she’s being loved as a complete person.”
3. Kiss her in public
Better yet, kiss her in front of her friends or colleagues. She’ll enjoy the public attention, but so much more importantly, she will revel in seeing her friends notice your outward expression of love for her. They’ll think you’re having sizzling sex every night. A hug, hand hold, arm around the waist, any public display of affection fulfils one of a woman’s deepest desires: acknowledgment that you want her, love her, need her outside of the bedroom, and aren’t timid about demonstrating this before others.
4. Touch her neck
The vast majority of women who responded to The Big Book of Sexsurvey described their necks as their most unexpected pleasure zone. Brain scans have shown that women can achieve orgasm more easily if their brain’s stress centres are switched off. “Many women need a transition period between dealing with the stress of everyday life and feeling sexual,” says Ian Kerner, a sex therapist and author.
The neck is the perfect place to begin stroking away those stress hormones. Because the nerves and blood vessels are close to the surface of the neck, brushing your lips between her throat and chin will take her mind off the kids or the job. Massage her neck then move to the scalp. It’s crucial to keep things non-sexual for her. Thinking you have an ulterior motive will destroy the effect you are going for.