When we’re single but don’t want to be, it’s natural to wonder if we’ll ever meet the right partner. However, getting into a successful relationship is not all that different from achieving any other dream, such as reaching a financial goal or launching a lucrative, satisfying business.
Based on some of the techniques I and others have used to launch successful startups, here are five strategies for attracting a perfect partner.
1. See yourself as you’d like to be seen
Typically, there are three views that influence how we feel about ourselves–and hence, how we project ourselves to the world: how we see ourselves, how we think others see us, and how others actually see us. All that matters is who you truly are and how you view yourself. It is imperative not to allow the other two images to color how you think and feel about yourself. If you don’t enable self-love and self-appreciation to be stronger than the opinions of others, then outside critics and judgers can chip away at your confidence and positive self-image. Poor self-image repels rather than attracts.
2. Write your own commercials
The media bombards us with images that can truly be confusing–from the “perfect” airbrushed bodies in magazines and the lewd behavior of reality TV stars, to endless products and commercials that purport to make us thinner, happier, and sexier. When we listen to and absorb all these media messages, it can diminish our opinion of ourselves and even shape our behavior. If you feel genuinely good about who you are, you will exude the confidence that attracts others. If you feel insecure because you’ve just wasted an hour of your life watching a show about body makeovers, your energy will be negative and off-putting to potential partners.
3. Stop fighting loneliness
We can spend so much time and energy warding off loneliness and fighting against the frustration of feeling stuck that those combative thoughts begin to form a pattern in our brain, like an old-fashioned vinyl record with the needle going round and round the same grooves. Neuroscientists have shown that thoughts really do generate moods and energies. If your thoughts are negative, your energy will be sluggish. Stop being against loneliness and instead be for a satisfying relationship. Accept the current situation for what it is: a little time and space to start over. Then make a commitment to change the situation. Tell the universe what you want, what you are for.
4. Generate a scene of you, happy
Many of the world’s most successful people have found their eureka moments–regularly and frequently–by taking quiet time to let thoughts meander. Talk a walk alone, rock in a rocking chair, or just close your eyes for a few minutes each day in a quiet space. Imagine yourself in a perfect partnership and situation, such as holding hands at sunset on the beach. The more details the better. Revisit this scene every day if you can. This is not fantasizing. It’s generating a picture of yourself that your brain will come to see as real. Scientists have shown that the same part of the brain is active when you’re doing something as when you’re imagining yourself doing it. By creating this image of yourself with a partner, you will unconsciously and gradually become that person.
5. Set an intention, not a goal
An intention is like a goal, but with all the doubt about its attainment removed. Another difference is that an intention is stated as though it’s already happened. So your intention for attracting the perfect partner might be, “I have a fun and fulfilling relationship with a man I both love and respect. We’ve traveled the world together enjoying new experiences.” Your intention must be about something you want for you, and not about trying to manipulate someone else’s energy in your direction. When creating an intention, always keep the energy personal, positive, and past tense–the Three Ps.
I’ve been happily married for more than 30 years, so I know something about successful relationships. To succeed at virtually anything you deeply desire requires, first, a certain mindset or mentality–the ability to aim your mind toward success. Second, it requires creativity and courage–trying on new ideas and breaking out of inflexible patterns that keep you mired in quicksand. And third, it requires a disciplined way of focusing your thoughts and actions that will transform an idea into a positive outcome.