Sex is worth nurturing as it helps you stay bonded and strengthens your love and closeness, but it fades away after years of marriage.
According to certified sex therapist Laurie Watson, author of “Wanting Sex Again: How to Rediscover Your Desire and Heal a Sexless Marriage”, after years of marriage it’s not unusual for sex to happen less often and feel less satisfying than it used to.
Watson has suggested some tips to bring it back into your relationship, according to Huffington Post.
First try to understand where it went, said Watson.
When a relationship becomes real, with conflicts and genuine needs, some of the high wears off and we have to work through physical or psychological stumbling blocks, she said.
She added that our bodies still need touch and sexual release to deeply connect us as partners, but we don’t always have the same biological prompt — a sexual urge, an instinctual nudge, or an outright horny feeling. A woman with low desire is like a Porsche with a tank full of gas and a broken starter.
Next try to bring up a conversation when you’re not in bed — maybe at the dinner table or while taking a walk together, she suggested.
Ask for permission to bring up a difficult topic so your partner will be serious and receptive. Talk honestly, and be careful to be gentle and loving to avoid putting the other person on the defensive. “State your desire for your partner in a positive way,” Watson advises.
Watson also advised checking your medicines.
If you or your partner takes for other medical conditions that may have the unwanted side effect of interfering with interest and arousal. Be assertive in asking your doctor about sexual side effects and what you can do about them, she said.
To counter the deadening effects of these medications, she recommends the use of a vibrator.
Any stress in the relationship quickly finds its way into the bedroom. In this case you can take a therapist’s help, according to Watson.
A good therapist can help you see whether a non-sexual problem in the relationship — such as resentment, lack of trust, or body image issues — may be manifesting itself in sexual avoidance, and give you the communication tools to solve it, she added.
Be open to change- Sexual shut-down isn’t inevitable as we age, but change is.
The key is staying open and flexible, said Watson. She suggests to try new techniques, different stimuli, different timing. Learn to seduce your partner anew.
Try pleasuring yourself on your own to see whether a different pace, touch, or fantasy arouses you more than what you’re used to, she stated.